Why Stay Single? Part 2

I remember when Kamauu and Wanjiru exchanged vows. It was a bright cold Saturday afternoon on July 2010. I don’t know the reason Kamauu decided to get married on July but I can clearly recall the moment after they exchanged the vows. It was the best of times, it was full of anxiety, it was a turning point in the couple’s lives, it was a heart-breaking moment to all crushes of Kamau and Wanjiru and it was a moment of silence as we fixed our eyes on the pastor.

Silence reigned in this church which was full to capacity. Apart from reigning it also hung in the atmosphere like that suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground. It was a gaping void, needing to be filled with sounds, words or anything. It looked like those suffering from verbal diarrhoea were healed.

Anxiety clung to every person in this congregation like a poisonous cloud, which at any moment could choke life from them. It seeped into their every pore, like a poison slowly paralyzing them from either speech or movement as we all expected the presiding pastor to say something. The pastor knew we were eagerly waiting and in doses started administering to us what we needed to cure our anxiety.

PASTOR:    (Clearing his throat) Kamau and Wanjiru, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made before God and this congregation (pauses and looks at the couple) It is with these in mind that I now pronounce you as a husband and a wife.

(The pastor pauses as congregation cheers as women go to a frenzy of hearty African ululations)

PASTOR: (Sarcastically) you have kissed a thousand times, maybe more. But today the feeling is new.

(Laughter follows as some laugh in a queer manner, there are noises and murmuring in the crowd)

PASTOR: (clears his throat as noises calm down) No longer will you kiss simply as partners or best friends, you have become husband and wife and you can now seal the agreement with a kiss. Today, your kiss is a promise. (Pauses amidst laughter)

PASTOR: (Continues with an appealing voice) Kamau you may now kiss the bride.

Are you waiting for me to describe what was next? Well I know you know what happened. Or should I get to the nitty gritty of what Kamau did? Let me continue that story on another day.

Five years down the line Kamauu and Wanjiru have kept their vows. If I was a pastor I would have asked you to appreciate them with a heavy hand clap, but since I don’t want you to drop your phone and stop scrolling, let me spare you for today. God has blessed them with two amazing beautiful girls who are twins. May they grow up gaining favour from God and men. And may they be instruments of change that will impact this world like never before.

So the other day I met my friend Kamauu in the streets of Nairobi, for a catch-up we decided to grab a cup of tea at Java (yes tea not coffee) and discuss how life has been. It was here that he disclosed to me they have been blessed with twins and I made the above benedictions. After the benedictions I made a comment that I should not have made if I only knew what was next. “You are so blessed to have Shiru*wife, Truly whoever finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD” I concluded with a verse.

Kamauu with his smiley face looked at me for a moment and then asked “So brother Dan, do you want also to receive favour from God?” Of course I said YES with my unreasoning mouth. The next words that shot out of Kamauu were a punchline to be endured. “So brother Dan, find a wife and stop being single”. I knew I could not beat him in an argument so I decided to change the topic and place him on the receiving end.

“Well, I am still single and not searching, I am waiting on the Lord, His time is the best….. Kamau since one day I will be searching… would mind telling me how you met Shiru?” I asked getting a bit proud since I knew Kamauu would not be willing to get in to those details. In a summary he said this:

“This one nice afternoon, I was heading to equity bank to pay fees for my brother. It was my first time to pay fees in a bank and so I needed some assistance. I approached the customer care desk, and the seat was vacant. As I was looking around my eyes shot daggers at this young beautiful lady in her early 20s, with a cleavage that had not started battling gravity and the kind of smile that had not been weighed down by the troubles of life. As she approached the desk she noticed I was looking at her.

“Young man, how can I assist you?” she asked in her beautiful voice which ended my one in a lifetime ogling. Instead of simply saying “I don’t know how to pay fees” I asked her if they had changed the fees paying protocol. This was because I did not want to create an impression in her that I am a Mshamba. She ignored that and explained to me how to pay the fees. “Can I have your number? Incase next time I come around and get lost in here, I don’t have to wait on this desk” I asked and she was nice and gave me her number.

Later in the evening I called to thank her for assistance *not actually the motive. Just I was about to end the call I asked her if she would mind meeting me for a cup of tea. It looks like the feeling was mutual and she agreed to meet at a certain hotel in Limuru. To me that was the first date and the first love. The most awaited day finally came as we had planned, it is at that date where our love journey began and up to today it is still intact. Only death will do us apart” my friend Kamau concluded the story.

Not yet satisfied I asked him “What has kept you together all this years?” He said LOVE. But I insisted “tell me more”. “Dan, what has kept us all this years is love and God. We are always available to each other when we need each other most. When I am down, she lifts me up. We never judge each other but we agree. We are sincere to each other. We understand and support each other’s dreams and ambitions. Shiru is a special part of my being.” Kamau concluded with this powerful statement and the tea was over and we bid each other goodbye as I asked him to say hi to Shiru and the kids “Tell the kids, Uncle Dan says Hi”

Later I came to a conclusion that love is a beautiful feeling and it actually exists. In last blogpost ‘Part 1”, many of my readers raised concerns in the ground I was trending on and the way I approached the Issue. I can say I am not writing this to make anybody feel guilty for being in love. Being in Love is not wrong, so is being single.

I don’t have an issue with those in relationships that resemble the relationship between Kamauu and Wanjiru. But I have an issue with those in a conspiracy to defeat singleness. Those who think people are single because they are not attractive or persuasive enough. One of my contributors said that in this generation being single is something that gets your peers worried and working their heads off to try and ‘hook you up’ of which she attributes to a misconception that you start living when you fall in love, she describes this as a fallacy.

If you are in a relationship that is doing well like Kamauu, don’t leave and don’t feel bad about it. I will not speak about love because I don’t understand it. There are a lot of philosophies and theories about love and I am not ready to commit an intellectual suicide to add one. Love is both amazing and confusing. At a particular time people are so close and the next moment they don’t want to see each other.

Kamau married her first love and in their dating period they behaved in a Godly manner. In this generation… How many of us are patient like Kamau who I call Kamauu to wait for the right time? How many like him can wait until they are through with education to start dating? How many relationships are on the right path? Will I attend your wedding and narrate? Will I even remember? How many are willing to stay single? Actually; why stay single?

Join me in Part 3 as I pursue history on singleness and people who have made it single… Until then have a nice weekend and Share this post to your friends, family and congregation. Contribute….

*Kamau who I call Kamauu is not a real name. He is my friend in the world of Fiction.