It was on Friday evening out in the mission ground at Mhindi, somewhere 5Km from Nyahururu town. Mr Lucy had attended a mission dubbed Madaraka for Jesus. On this particular day he had being assigned duties in the Kitchen department and enjoyed serving from that place. He knew we either live to eat or eat to live.
He was serving with a certain brother and 3 sisters. The so called brother had started a debate that sons of single mums are independent and it was up to rest to affirm or oppose his idea. Mr Lucy being a son of a single mum knew he had the last say. About what was said and what was running in Mr Lucy’s head will be narrated in a post coming soon dubbed Journey to freedom.
One hour later, a brother who walked out from the ongoing revival session joined Mr Lucy and the rest in the kitchen. Lucy was one of the sisters Mr Lucy was serving with in the kitchen, Mr Lucy refers to her as mum. In the University Christian Unions we have spiritual mums and dads and in some extreme cases we have Guks and Shosh. But this one he called her mum because she is Lucy.
“Mum please use this cup and serve my brother with some lemon water” Mr Lucy said. This words started up another conversation where the brother started to explain he doesn’t feel comfortable calling someone mum. ‘Mum’ did not comment on that as expected but she said something that changed the whole topic of discussion “It is only in the CU where your Dad can be your son”.
Mr Lucy had never thought of it that way and since he loves thinking creatively from the pre-existing ideas he said “It is also in the Christian Union where you can start dating somebody you called mum or dad.” His statement was affirmed by examples which I will not write down here. “Instead of all this drama it is good to stay single,” Mr Lucy said after all the examples were given.
In support of his statement argument before any of them could defend it, Mr Lucy went on and explained how a certain brother failed to attend the mission simply because her girlfriend requested him to wait until Monday so that they would travel back to school together. He also pointed out that as a leader in the Christian Union, brethren are watching you to make a mistake in your relationship and publicise it. He also argued that it is better if one stayed single bearing in mind duties and responsibilities one is tasked with, not forgetting you have academics to mind about. He pointed out that many of us sacrifice our prayer time to fix dates and catch-up with our loved ones.
As he defended his statement he made it feel that being in a relationship while serving God is a mistake if not a sin. When the first thing you do when you wake up is checking out on your fiancé and wishing them a good day instead of praying or reading the bible. Before you sleep, the first thing you do is pray and the last thing is wishing your spouse a goodnight and sweet dreams. During the day you don’t think of honourable things of how you can improve your relationship with God but how you can improve your relationship with your partner. You no longer think of the gifts and sacrifices you made in the Church but the gifts that you will surprise your partner with. You start sacrificing your appointments for love instead of God. You even miss church activities to attend a date. That when Mr Lucy shouts “Stay Single!”
Mr Lucy also argued out that as a Christian in order to make an impact in this world, you need to be social. In order to be social you need to be single. Single people are generally more social than people in relationships. Compared with the engaged, single people are much more likely to spend time with friends and do other social activities. Singles do not rely on one person for companionship and tend to have more friends than the engaged who have less time for them, due to demands from spouses.
Being single gives you a lot of freedom. It is time to do what you want, when you want. There is no need to check in with someone to let them know who you’re with, where you’re at. To Mr Lucy, singleness is FREEDOM AT LAST!
Back in school last week I met Mr Lucy. I had a lot of questions to ask him, since he has been writing on this topic of singleness. I booked an appointment with him at the University Mess for a cup of tea. Mr Lucy despite his tight diary did not fail me and made it in time. I noted a change in his face, he had shaved and had no more beards and this time he looked a bit slim but extremely happy than ever before.
The first question I asked Mr Lucy is why he thinks we must stay single and why he writes with such a passion on this topic. In his intellectual look he started like a normal politician in a media interview with the usual clearing of the throat and that statement “That is a very good question”. Mr Lucy gave me four sane reasons why I must stay single. Using his fingers to indicate numbers he started….
Mr Lucy is man from central Kenya and he proved it right when he started with this point. On this point he addressed men since we are the ones who spend a lot in this relationships. “My friend pay attention to her trendy clothes, make up, hair, shoes and accessories and know they cost money. So what makes you imagine you can just date her while keeping your wallet firmly shut?” Mr Lucy asked but I didn’t have the answer so I kept quiet.
“Being in a relationship is expensive,” he continued “There is always some dinners, outings, retreats, chocolates, roses and gifts to buy. Save this money towards something that betters you in the long run. Buy a cow if you can,” he joked.
“This campus ladies always claim that love is the link between two people in a relationship, even when evidence demonstrates something else. Truth be told; money is the link between us and them!” Mr Lucy’s voice was deepening and anger reigning in his face “They want us to believe they love us because of who we are but their disjointed actions betrays them. They only smile and hug us when we buy chocolates, gifts and take them out for dates. If you have been buying this gifts, stop and observe what will happen.”
“My friend stop buying love and refuse to be used!! No one can use you unless you let them” he advised.
He did not bother to explain much on this point but I pushed him to. In a nutshell he said “There is freedom to date whomever you want, walk with whoever you want and attend as many dates as possible. There’s no reason to feel guilty if it’s just a date. There is freedom to grab a cup of tea or lunch with that cute new girl/guy you just met or the person that you’ve been secretly eyeing for a while,” he said looking at me as if he knew I was eyeing somebody.
Since he is a man well established in social media he pointed out that one also enjoys freedom in social media. “There is no need to feel guilt over what you post on social media. You care no more who is watching. You also don’t need to monitor someone else’s social media activity” he said.
In a summary he said “Each one of us has 24hours per day and 7days per week. How we use our time is what makes difference in our lives. Being single you save a lot of time as you spend less time on the phone and more time to improve your life. Relationships suck up a great deal of time on the phone between talking and chatting, which can easily amount to several hours of a day. Think about all the time saved by cutting this out and investing this time in you.
There is that time alone to think and refresh which can make you a more engaged person when you re-enter the world. This time alone is essential for creativity. Many of our greatest artists and writers wrote about the benefits of having time on their own, and they certainly exhibit that. (Think Thoreau and his isolated cabin by the pond and Dan Muniu and his Why Stay Single?).” Mr Lucy said as he concluded with a statement accompanied with his usual bragging nature.
“When I look at my dictionary, happiness is not defined as the product of dating but as the emotion of joy. Diffusion principle does not apply in happiness. Happiness does not move from a point of high concentration to a region of low concentration. You will not be happy because you are dating a happy person. Happiness is a choice!” he barked out.
“My friend, you can be happy on your own and enjoy life to the fullest. Your happiness is not depended on others, it’s your life and you can for sure enjoy your life without being labelled as lonely” he came to a conclusion of his points and he left me inspired.
“Mr Lucy, what are your final remarks on this topic?” I asked like any other journalist at the end of an interview.
“Well to be single or not to be single it’s in your hand. There is no harm in trying for another relationship but if you are not lucky and can’t find the right partner, it’s better to be single for a while rather than sticking with a wrong partner.
It’s indeed wonderful to be in a relationship but there are times when we will be alone. Of course, being single can be a blessing as well as a curse. The reason for people being sad and lonely is that they usually see only the cons and not the pros.
We should just look at the positive side of things. The next time you find yourself alone, don’t panic, instead CHEER UP like me. Nothing is lost if you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. In fact there is everything to gain!” His words touched me and I was tempted to leave my girlfriend.
“If I was not single I would not be writing this because I would have being divorced by Part 1,” he continued, “I would be busy wasting my talent *writing on sms, WhatsApp chatting with a lady and telling her sweet nothings. Wish she would listen to all this crap I write about and still accept me. But since the paper, pen, laptop and the school free Wi-Fi upload all this crap better on my blog… relationship can wait” he concluded as he stormed out to attend the Christian Union first year orientation in the tent outside the Mess.
Thank you for joining me from Part 1 to 4 of Why Stay Single?
Join me in “Journey to Freedom” which is coming soon. Meanwhile have your last say on this by leaving a comment.
*The story of the guy interviewing Mr Lucy is real as somebody approached me last week on what I have being writing about and that what I said.