Last night around 10:30pm, I received this story on WhatsApp:
“A very poor man lived with his wife whose hair was so long that it touched the waist. One day the wife asked her husband to buy her a comb for her long hair so that it can continue to grow well and to be well groomed. The man felt sorry and said he didn’t have money even to fix the strap of his watch which had just broken. The wife did not insist.
On his way to work the man passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at low price and went to buy a comb for his wife. He came back home in the evening with a comb in his hand ready to give to his wife. He was surprised to see his wife with very short hair. She had cut and sold her hair and bought a brand new watch for her husband. Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes not for the futility of their actions, but for the reciprocity of their love.
The conclusion of the message was: Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own. Give love and show love where it matters and let it be the God centred love, Spread some good love and know that God is love.
This to me was not just another forwarded text. Last night when I received this text I could not sleep. A lot of things and questions crowded my mind and I could not stop my brains from thinking. I know I love people but is their happiness more important than my own? This question harassed me the whole night.
Since I could not sleep I thought social media would help me relax and divert my mind from that question doing pressure ups in my mind. However social media didn’t help, very few were online and when I sent a ‘hi’ to them it was not replied. I tried even keeping myself busy with #RIPAhmedDharwesh hashtag which was trending on twitter but it did me more harm the time I read Larry Madowo’s tribute to this guy.
In the tribute, it stood out that Dharwesh was man who cared about other people’s happiness than his own. Before Larry had a car, Daru would stick around after anchoring the 7pm Swahili news until 9pm waiting for Larry to finish editing his business story so that he would drop him home. Honestly, how many of us would do that? Daru cared so much about people who were not even his relatives. May his soul Rest in Peace.
Social media was making matters worse, so I decided to listen to music with headphones to try and get my mind off that topic. Coincidentally the first song that I listened to was ‘I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb’. This song had a new message to me. It was speaking to me a message of unconditional love.
Ray Boltz in the second last stanza pledges allegiance to the Lamb of God who bore his pain, who took his place, and who wore his shame. He says a time has come to count the cost, to reject the world and embrace the cross. I replayed this song around five times and the message of unconditional love was getting louder and louder in my ears.
I have three ways of expressing my feelings. Through social media, through graphic design and through writing. At once I photo shopped myself at the cross of Jesus ‘Embracing it’. At around 1am I uploaded this photo on Instagram, shared it on Facebook and made it my WhatsApp profile picture. I also changed my status on WhatsApp to: ‘Rejecting this world to embrace the cross’ and I also tweeted the Chorus of Ray Boltz song.
After all this I still found no peace, so I decided to face it and write about unconditional love. I had promised myself not to write about love since I don’t understand it. Everytime I try to understand it, it leaves me feeling lost and confused. The only topic related to love I would write about is singleness and heartbreaks, these are the ones I understand better.
Two weeks ago in a WhatsApp group, It was alleged I have a lot of women *mabibi and I have no rights to claim am single. They also stated the blogpost about singleness was a lie. As the debate was ongoing, somebody asked why am single and why I don’t believe in love. In defence, I said I believe love exists and I will blog about it one day. I have been thinking what to write and yesterday night circumstances gave me an idea what to write about love. And this what I wrote;
I am not Dr. Love and I have no training in marriage counselling but allow me to write about love. To write about love which is unconditional. Allow me to erase the definition you have about love. They defined love to you as giving and sharing of the heart. Dr. Love also told you love is a journey not a destination and two attracting living beings must take it together. Did he also tell you that love is a special feeling to someone you usually care about? Do me a favour and forget all the stereotypes surrounding love.
Forget about that love which makes you go poetic and say awkward things like ‘You the only seed in my Avocado’. Forget about that love which makes you blush when you meet him. Forget about love that makes you dress to kill. And the only thing you actually kill is your character and decency.
Forget about that love which makes you send a goodnight or a good day SMS. Forget about love which makes you take her out to a date and buy her gifts, and of course which you can only afford with loans. Forget about that love which makes you sweet baptise him to bae, boo, swry, honey or any funny name you have twisted. Forget about love that makes you call me Dan instead of Muniu.
We are living at an age where love, money and sex are interdependent. Where people love you because of your looks, clothes or your big car. It doesn’t matter if your good character and personality is second in line after Jesus, all we are looking for is either money or looks. You have to have one of this or else we avoid you like a plague. Love has become physical, materialistic and selfish.
Allow me to introduce to you unconditional love. Unconditional love is an affection without limitations or conditions. You love without reasons and love completely. Regardless if that person treats you as shit or piece of it, whatever they do to you, you still love them no matter what. One of the happiest things on earth is when you know you are in love with someone who loves you more unconditionally.
Unconditional love forgets our past. It doesnt matter who you were, if i love you unconditionally i will forget all of it. Because unconditional love understands we all have our dark pasts, it understands we all have our untold stories, it also understands we all have our demons. Unconditional love understands that everyone deserves a second chance.
John Ng’ang’a in his book ‘Friendship’ writes that if we have to love and be loved unconditionally, we need to remove masks and be the originals that God meant us to be. I agree with Ng’ang’a, we need to remove masks. My dear sister wash that makeup and remove the wig and observe if he will still love you. If he does that is unconditional love. My brother lie to her you are bankrupt, if she doesn’t stick around conclude she never loved you.
My sister, if a man loves you unconditionally he will lead you closer to God than to himself in every step he takes. If he loves you unconditionally he will choose you for life. He will do more than opening your door, he will open the bible for you too.
Unconditional love was well portrayed by Jesus on the cross. He died for us without a second thought so that we may be reconciled with God. The bible says in John 15:13 ‘Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends.
If we claim to be Christians we must love like Jesus. We must understand that unconditional love goes beyond culture, religion and ethnicity. We must understand that God puts unlovely people around us to teach us how to love unconditionally. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them” Jesus
Finally, let us love like there is no tomorrow and if tomorrow comes lets us love again. I love you unconditionally! And I will care about your happiness than mine.